


I'll Be Drunk Again To Feel A Little Love Again (All By Myself)

by AgentBuzzkill



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Gen, Tony Feels, it hurt to write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:48:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentBuzzkill/pseuds/AgentBuzzkill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony never anticipated the aftermath of New York, and he certainly didn't expect to be facing it alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Drunk Again To Feel A Little Love Again (All By Myself)

**Author's Note:**

> Set between The Avengers and Iron Man 3. This was mostly inspired by that Tumblr post about Tony having Stark Tower floor plans for all of The Avengers at the end of the movie and my realization that he probably never got to use those plans.
> 
> Title from Ed Sheeran's "Drunk".

The assassins were the first ones to leave.

Well, technically Thor was, but he'd claimed to have so much business on Asgard that he "would not be returning to Midgard for a long while, barring a dire situation, shield brother. At any measure not until the reparation of the Bifrost." Tony was also instructed to give Jane Thor's love, though he was sure Thor didn't mean it the way the perverted voice in the back of Tony's head thought.

"Nothing personal, man," Clint had said, with a warm hand on Tony's shoulder as he turned down Tony's offer that he and Natasha stay at Stark Tower, "but we're on the end of Shield's leash. And since we don't have anything to-" he'd stopped then, a flash of pain in his eyes that hadn't really been happy since New York. Tony knew what he was trying to say anyway. 

There was no one to vouch for them, nobody that the deadly pair trusted enough to keep an eye on them in place of SHIELD. There was no more Phil Coulson. And sure they could get someone else, but Tony knew that feeling. That feeling that no matter who they got, nobody could replace the person closest to you. Nobody could jam a square peg into a circular hole just to try and make things better. 

"-keep us here," Natasha finished for him, and Clint seemed reserved and relieved as he leaned back into her, letting go of Tony to clutch at the arm she drew around him. 

"No problem," Tony said, forcing a smile and maybe clutching his glass of scotch tighter. "Gotta say, I'm actually kind of glad. I won't have to worry about you two crawling all around the ventilation system."

Natasha smiled too, but it didn't reach her eyes. Those eyes, that held an unmovable hardness and an unspeakable pity for him. 

"If you need us for anything, just call."

-x-

He wasn't surprised to see Steve go next.

After all, they certainly hadn't seen eye-to-eye before the battle, and even now, a few weeks after, they tread on the thinnest ice of friendship. He knew Steve felt awkward around him, a living reminder of the friends he'd lost. The thought made Tony's eye twitch and he itched for a drink.

"It's a whole new world out there," the Captain explained, wild-eyed, as Tony inner-monologued "I need to go see it! I mean, New York is great, but there's a lot of the country I never even saw in my own time."

Tony nodded, "Makes sense. Do you know how you plan on going about this cross-country tour? Should I get some back up dancers for the big show?"

Steve sighed, "You know I don't need you to fund any of this-"

"No, but I want to," Tony cut in. "I have too many bikes. Just go down to the garage and pick one. I'll get Pepper to give you an SI credit card."

"Tony, you really don't have to-"

"Steve," Tony interrupted again, looking up at the super soldier, "I'm serious, now. Take a bike, go wild, hit up Vegas if you want, I hear it's pretty fun this time of year. Take whatever time you need. You're hardly Shield's bitch, they have no real claim to you, so go have whatever you call fun."

Convinced, a smile broke out on Steve's face and he clasped the hand that Tony outstretched towards him.

"Thanks. Thanks so much."

-x-

To be honest, it took Bruce a lot longer to bolt than Tony thought it would. But then again, his tech had always been what kept people around until they got bored of the bells and whistles (and subsequently, Tony).

Bruce had excuses, of course. That he was volatile, a time bomb, poised for destruction at any minute. He had work in other countries. A life to live. A girl to chase.

It was a blurred conversation of "I'm too dangerous"es and "please don't go"s. Tony didn't remember much, he'd already been drinking quite a bit when Bruce had come down to the lab with a duffel bag around his shoulder.

In the end Bruce went. And Tony didn't like talking about it.

-x-

Alone, finally alone, all Tony could do was think. Which always ended badly for somebody (usually Tony).

And wasn't that just the kicker. He was finally alone. He'd gotten what he'd wanted from the beginning, to be left alone. And now he was the guest of honor (only guest, always the only guest) at his very own exclusive pity party. 

Sometimes he hated getting what he wanted.

About halfway through a (second? Third? It was hard to tell.) bottle of booze, Pepper strode in to find him sitting on the floor, held up by the side of his workbench.

"Get up," she demanded, "you've been in here for days. When was the last time you ate or," she wrinkled her nose and stepped back, "bathed?"

Never one to talk about anything too touchy-feely, Tony instead fixed her with (what was probably a sad attempt at) his best "bitch please" face and staggered to his feet. Turning, he croaked out, "JARVIS, pull up those old tower plans. From the first few days of rebuilding."

JARVIS complied with a soft, "yes, sir," and the plans flickered to life in front of him.

"Isolate the residential areas. Floors one hundred to one hundred six."

JARVIS complied and the floor plans spanned out. Each was coded with a symbol and plotted out to fit the preferences and needs of its occupants. Tony was sure they would love them, but construction of them had been halted whenever the intended residents had up and left. Pity, Bruce's had almost been done. Tony was sure that at least he might have stayed, if there'd been something to keep him here. Pepper looked over the plans and sighed.

"Oh, Tony," she said, and it was the sadness in her voice, the exhaustion, the pity that made something inside him break. He was suddenly so fucking tired. Tired of being alone, of being left behind, of just being written off as the heartless billionaire who had his money so surely he must be so incredibly happy. 

As it turns out, an Amex isn't the greatest conversational partner.

So he files this away, tells himself that he had it coming, he was such a dick to them when they first met. He got his hopes up and he ended up burned and alone. It was what he deserved.

He lets Pepper's sympathy wash over him for a hot second, letting it soothe the ache, if only for a moment. It wasn't as if Pepper wasn't enough. She had been everything holding him together for so long (in a way she still was, always would be, at least until she left too and wow wasn't that a great thought for him to put in his head) and she knew that. 

But he'd seen the potential. Seen the possibilities of housing the team in Stark Tower. Keeping them close, keeping them together, instead of letting them scatter in the wind like so many ashes left behind by that battle. The battle that had left his city burning, and they picked up and left him with cleanup.

What the fuck gave them the right?

But he stamps that anger out quickly. Anger won't help. Sadness won't help. Just acceptance. He'd tried to make himself a team. A family.

And all he got were ashes. 

"JARVIS, scrap the plans." Tony just stared ahead, seeing nothing. He doesn't want to see Pepper's face. Doesn't want to see the pity. "Any and all records of them."

"As you wish, sir." JARVIS almost sounded resigned. Pepper stepped closer, bless her heart, and wrapped an arm around him. The plans blinked out, left him in darkness.

He didn't let himself cry, told himself it was stupid to care. 

He held on to Pepper and tried to push away the pain.


End file.
